We'll be okay
by kittyxuchiha11
Summary: Helena has been avoiding Leon for weeks now and he can't figure out why. As it turns out, Helena has quite the secret she's been hiding from him.


Helena was a smart girl who was always careful in everything she did. She was the perfect daughter at one time and loved to silently flaunt that in her sisters face, as Deborah definitely wasn't what their parents would consider perfect. Helena got straight A's in high school, Deborah got C's at best. Helena studied every day after school in her room quietly, while Deborah much preferred to sing along to her music at the top of her lungs. Although there was a four year age gap between the sisters, it could be seen from a very young age that when it came down to how well they would perform in exams, Helena would come out on top. She was perfect. Had the perfect grades, the perfect sensible friends. She even had the perfect boyfriend at one point. She was perfect down to every little detail, yet no matter how perfect she had been before, none of that mattered now.

To put it bluntly, Helena was fucked.

Not only because they were in the middle of a literal zombie apocalypse. Not even because she'd managed to somehow sleep with her partner several times now and it had been simply passed off as the casual kind of sex Leon had had with many different girls in the past when he craved someone else's warmth. No, her reason for realising that every strong wall she'd built up around herself was slowly crumbling, was something so much worse than anything she could ever imagine.

They spent their lives trying to survive everyday. Killing in defence or sometimes just for the thrill when things became too much. Helena realised a long time ago that this was insane and that her and Leon couldn't possibly be as sane as they once were ever since this had happened. She often found there were times where she wanted to stop Leon when he had that cold look in his eyes after a kill they both knew didn't need to happen. She wanted to grab his arm and tell him it was over, that he didn't need to. But she was scared and knew it never would be over. It was as simple as that, she was scared and Leon was the only person she had left. After she lost Deborah, she knew she couldn't lose anyone else. Of course in reality she could lose anyone at any point but in her perfect little fantasy world her and Leon would live forever and they'd be fine. They'd stay together and she'd be safe and have the comfort of another human being among these monsters.

Most of people who had actually survived the first attack were long gone by now. They relied to much on the miracle cure that was supposed to come from a certain Jake Muller. But the thing is, the miracle cure never did make its way into the world. Turns out his blood wasn't exactly perfect and although he did have the anti bodies, they were already too damaged by the first infection of the virus to work correctly for a cure. So they tried and tried again, torturing the young man with some sort of hope they'd find a way to make his blood spit out a vaccine. And for some reason he let them, no one understood why but his determinedness to help them find this cure eventually killed him. So what happens to a world consumed by flesh eating creatures with no vaccine to help? All hell breaks lose is the answer.

It was times when she reflected on trivial things such as their supposed saviour that Helena really began to have strange thoughts. She thought about her sister a lot to try pass the time or to make herself feel better. But that never worked once she remembered her dear sister was dead and it was all her fault. Deborah may not have been perfect but she didn't deserve the death she was given as a penalty.

Helena now found herself sitting in the corner of the cold cabin they were currently staying in with her knees to her chest as she clasped her hands together around them tightly. The smell of rotting wood and god knows what else made her wrinkle her nose a little as she pressed her face firmly into her knees trying to block out the world. She felt a little safer curling herself up like this, although of course the gun sitting in her immediate sight did help boast that feeling of safety just a little bit more. She was never scared to kill anymore. The thought of death didn't scare her like it used to, only unsettled her into horrendous daydreams full of the nightmares she deliberately tried to avoid by not sleeping.

It was when she was curled up all on her own that her thoughts moved to her partner who just happened to be sleeping on the bed only a few meters away from her. He lay on his side facing her with a troubled expression painted on his sleeping face. She knew all to well that he was having another nightmare, the third one that night if she had counted right. It was winter and the days and nights seemed to blend into each other with very few hours of actual daylight in-between. She'd given up long ago trying to tell day from night or even when a new day had began. Her life seemed to only consists of fighting her own consciousness to stay awake and killing to protect a man she had fallen in love with. The cruel twist of fate was that of course that Leon could never actually love her back.

He stirred in his sleep, only making Helena jump slightly as she actually worried he'd wake up. She'd tried to avoid him for days now, staying out of his sight as much as she could in some sort of attempt to delay telling him what she needed to tell him. She feared he had already figured it out since they'd slept together a fair few times in the past twelve weeks. She knew he wasn't stupid but hoped he was oblivious to what was really going on with her.

If not fully blown sex, at least something like that had happened once every week for the last few months. He was using her obviously, that much was obvious from the way they'd be talking one moment then he'd have her pinned to the floor with that coy smirk plastered on his face the next. Helena never pushed him away because of the fear that rejection would drive him away and of course because she wanted him just as much as he lusted after her. She wanted him to make love to her but it was always just a quick fuck where they wouldn't even remove their shirts. Except when it had happened that night, they'd both taken it so slowly they were both naked by the end of it. Helena felt happy for the first time in months as she'd smiled over at Leon, only to have her heart shattered as he only gave her an awkward glance before turning onto his side away from her. He'd fallen asleep like that and all Helena could do was sigh and get dressed again, only to take her lonely seat in the corner and watch over him like she always did.

So as she stared as his now peaceful sleeping face she prayed to every god she knew didn't exist that he wouldn't wake up. If he woke up he'd ask what was wrong and she knew she had to tell him. She'd been trying to conceal it knowing that he would hate her and he would leave. It was his fault and she knew it was and that's what made this a hundred time worse.

She was in love with this idiot who didn't even care about her and now she was pregnant with his child.

She should have known when she missed a month, but she simply dismissed it as shit was fucked up and all the stress she was under was affecting it. After two months it did cross her mind but she yet again believed in that stupid stress excuse. A week ago had marked the third month and she just knew no matter how many times she told herself it wasn't true that it was and she was well and truly fucked.

"…Helena?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet Leon's as she heard his rough voice calling her name. He blinked a few times, staring at her tiredly as if willing himself to wake up a little more to actually talk to her. She just gave him her fakest smile and hoped he'd go back to sleep. But of course he didn't go back to sleep because as soon as he saw that obviously fake smile he knew they needed to talk. Helena ignoring him was one thing but thinking she could get out of talking to him when she was right in front of him was another.

"You gotta stop watching me sleep, it's kinda creepy ya know?"

Helena nodded curtly, averting her gaze to her lap as she desperately tried to think of something to say to get out of the situation. Ideally this is where she would tell him what was going on and every thing would be fine. But as Helena was slowly realising, they weren't in her perfect fantasy world in her head. This was real life and in real life she couldn't make Leon act the way she wanted him to.

Leon noticed his partner's strange behaviour but didn't even know where to begin trying to understand why Helena was acting like this. They had been fine before but for at least the last week she'd been acting really weird around him. Not even in the way that there was some sort of tension between them. It was like every time he looked at her she would look the other way. Almost as if they locked eyes she'd have to talk to him and for some reason that scared her.

Leon didn't understand it at all but he knew there must be something up with her. For a moment he actually wondered if she had been bitten and was trying to hide it. But of course that thought vanished from his mind as soon it had come as he remembered exactly how quickly he'd seen all those innocent civilians in china turn into horrible monsters. There was definitely something wrong with her but he couldn't figure it out with his sleep deprived mind and complete lack in understanding women.

He was brought out of his thoughts by something that resembled his name leaving Helena's lips. He couldn't be sure she had actually said something but responded never the less just to seem polite if anything. The last thing he needed was Helena hating him as she was the only person he had left. Sure they may not have had the best relationship but they needed each other to stay sane never mind to actually survive in this fucked up world.

"Yeah?" Leon found himself answering back in a voice barely above a whisper. She didn't look up at first but when she did he could see the fear in her eyes as he caught her eye. She immediately looked away, making it look as though she was backing down on what she obviously wanted to say.

"What is it?" he tried again, trying to push away the slight annoyance he was now feeling.

"We need to talk"

Although it had been a long time since Leon's last proper relationship the phrase still made him feel incredibly uneasy. It reminded him of his many break-ups in the past and how that single phrase had made so many great friends leave his life. He managed to push all those negative thoughts to the back of his mind as he sat up and looked into the younger girl's eyes with a quick nod of acknowledgement.

"Alright" he began, finding himself now fully awake "What's up?"

She hesitated, nearly backing down again but she knew she had to tell him. Well technically she could hide it although she knew he would soon notice. It's not like she could hide it forever. She wasn't an idiot and obviously knew she was going to get bigger as the months went by. She could try avoid him all she wanted but that wouldn't help at all now. Hiding her feelings was one thing but trying to hide this from him would never work.

Leon watched her almost feeling nervous as she fidgeted, obviously having some sort of internal fight with herself. Whatever she wanted to say was really important to her obviously. At this point the almost wanted to tell her to hurry up and get to it but he knew that would prompt a fight and neither of them wanted that. Their relationship really wasn't the best mostly because he did way too many things on impulse but it was a decent enough that they'd had very few fights.

The last fight they had had been a few months ago just after the news that Jake was dead and all hope they'd been clinging too was gone. Helena had been having a particularly bad day thanks to the fact it had been three months exactly since her sisters death. Leon knew to leave her alone and only comfort her if she came to him. They'd received the news that evening and they were both pretty shocked. Leon had just hung his head and tried to keep himself together. He was never one for being particularly emotional but after just hearing the last hope they had was dead he felt for the first time in years that he wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and scream out of frustration that he'd have to live in this fucked up world.

Helena had a completely different reaction. She just stopped what she was doing and stared straight ahead as if she was in shock, which to be fair was what Leon had expected her to do, but what she did next was what surprised him. She just smiled and let a small laugh escape her lips, making some comment about how they were all going to die now. Leon didn't exactly know why he reacted so strongly but before he knew what he was doing he was screaming at her. She seemed to lose her entire composure right then as well and began to shout back at him. It had been a trivial fight now he thought back on it. They were just two scared people arguing over not giving up the will to live.

Somewhere in their fight he somehow ended up pinning her against a wall as he glared at her almost threateningly. She gave him the same glare back as their anger both seemed to rise. Being this close to her and knowing he could easily hurt her terrified him but also brought him joy. He wanted to tell her she couldn't give up so easily. She'd done it once before and he was honestly scared if she gave up she would let herself die and he'd be left alone. Helena's eyes seemed to soften as she looked into Leon's and the next thing they knew her lips were on his and he didn't know what to do or say. They slept together that night and ever since then it hadn't been the same. He knew something had changed and neither of them talked about it. He used her and he sometimes didn't even feel bad about it. It honestly scared him that he could use her and not feel anything. He saw her as his partner and maybe he had some other sort of feeling for her but he didn't love her. Hell he didn't even know what love felt like so how was he supposed to know if he felt it towards her? His previous relationships were complicated and Ada was the only one he'd ever seriously thought about being with. But it was becoming clearer by the day that he would never have her.

"Leon, look I" she sighed, gritting her teeth in annoyance at herself "I can't tell you"

Leon raised an eyebrow at her, getting more and more agitated by the minute as he listened to her poor excuses. "Just tell me, Helena"

Helena flinched as he said her name, cowering her head in fear for a moment before she realised this was Leon and he would never hurt her intestinally. He was the one who kept her alive through all of Tall Oaks and China, so of course he wouldn't. But still, hearing her name said by him like that scared her.

"I can't" she managed to say as she closed her eyes tightly. She was going to ruin everything if she told him. She was terrified to do it.

He signed deeply, his anger flaring up once again as he stared at her. "You said you needed to talk, so come on"

"It doesn't matter"

Leon almost growled with frustration as he stood up and moved to where she was slumped against the wall refusing to met his eyes "For fucks sake Helena, don't do this"

"Do what exactly?" Helena answered sounding a little hurt as she looked up to see him looming over her.

"This. Why can't you just be straight forward and tell me what's wrong with you?"

"It's complicated, alright?"

"Like hell it is!" he surprised himself with his outburst but he was pissed and didn't even care about what she thought of him in this moment.

She felt herself getting angrier as she stared up at him and saw the obvious anger glinting in his eyes. "If you knew what I was going through, you'd understand"

He groaned, banging his fist against the wall in frustration that Helena was leaning against. "Well why don't you tell me and we'll both be able to understand this"

"I'm fucking pregnant Leon. There, are you happy!?"

Leon's snappy reply he already had planned died on his lips as he began to process what she'd just said. She was…but how? He just stared at her, watching her as she hung her head in shame and brought her knees back up to her chest.

"I didn't mean for it to happen. I swear I would never want this to happen to us"

He just kept staring at her with wide eyes as the situation finally became real to him. Helena was pregnant. His partner who he had slept with several times was going to have a kid. If he didn't know she'd been with him for the last few months he would have felt bad for her sure since he knew her on a personal level. But the fact he knew he was definitely the reason she was like this made him feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't bring a child into this world. Hell, he didn't even want to live in this world never mind bring a child into it.

He reluctantly leaned down, lowering himself to his knees slowly in front of her to attempt to get on her level. He knew he had to talk to her about this or nothing would ever get done.

"Helena…"

Helena tensed slightly as she heard him say her name so close to her, but only buried her head into her knees in reply. She knew if she looked at him she'd say how angry he was. She had to leave and there was no doubt about it but she didn't want to. She'd fallen in love with Leon and she didn't want to go. She'd be lost without him and that thought alone was what made the first tear fall.

"Helena, look at me" he said softly, the anger she heard before now completely gone and replaced with something she couldn't quite figure out. He was supposed to be screaming at her to get out, what was going on? Although she kept telling herself to keep her head down and not fall into his trap, she caught his eye and couldn't move. She just stared into his eyes not knowing what to do.

"I'm so sorry…It's all my fault"

Leon didn't know what to say. On one hand, he wanted to tell her it was all her fault and that she was stupid for not telling him. But on the other hand, he knew he needed to say that it wasn't her fault and this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't slept with her. If he hadn't used her as a substitute for a woman he knew he'd never have. God he felt like such an idiot now for even believing what he was doing with Helena was alright.

"Look, honestly I don't know what to say, so I'm just gonna be honest here" Leon began, watching Helena carefully as she gave him a quick nod. He hesitated before speaking again, trying to word together something that would make her feel better. "…It isn't your fault. I'm not one to normally say stuff like this, you know that. But it isn't your fault so…Don't feel too bad, okay?"

"How am I not supposed to feel about this?" She asked, her voice breaking slightly as she kept her eyes on his "You hate me now and you're going to leave me alone now. I don't want to be alone!"

"Why would I leave you alone?" came his response in more of a snarl of annoyance "I wasn't planning on doing it before and knowing that your…" he trailed of, not wanting to make it anymore real by saying the word out loud. "I definitely wouldn't dream of leaving you on your own now"

Helena choked back a sob cursing softly to herself as she felt the tears stinging her eyes again. She had never been good with her emotions and often let them take over in situations like this. She was known for being a bit of a cry baby but also fierce when she needed to be. When she was angry it was hard to stop her but when the sadness came she was a blubbering mess. It had always been that way ever since she was a kid. She had never been good at controlling her emotions and even when she became and agent people suggested she tried counselling to attempt to make herself more emotionally stable, but of course she rejected it. She didn't need help. She was so independent and everyone could see that. But being with Leon made her realise she didn't like being alone as much as she thought she did. She actually kind of liked having a partner to watch her back. Yet being less independent brought out her emotions more and although she had just felt numb until now, she definitely felt something now and it was like her heart was tearing in two.

"This is so fucked up"

Leon signed, not knowing whether to make some sort of sarcastic comment back to try lighten the mood or to actually comfort Helena. He knew no matter what, he wanted Helena to stick around. He liked her company and the sex was great if he was being honest. But never had he actually thought this would be the reason they'd be staying together.

He slowly pushed himself off the floor and made his way back to the bed where he sat down on the edge of it with a soft thump. Helena kept her eyes on him the whole time as he moved. Her mind was a mess and she didn't know what to do about it. She watched Leon closely as a small smile spread across his face and he patted the space on the bed beside him.

"The floor isn't exactly the comfiest, is it?"

Helene found herself shaking her head, answering his question but also out of disbelief that the man who had acted so coldly too her only earlier that night was actually smiling at her. It felt strange to see him smiling but his smile somehow made a tiny smile appear on her own face even though she definitely did not feel like smiling right now.

She slowly stood up, still eyeing Leon nervous as she made her way over to the bed and gently sat down beside him. His smile was gone once again as their eyes locked and he remembered exactly what situation they were in.

"I fucked up, didn't I?"

Helena looked at him for a moment before replying "No, we fucked up"

Leon actually laughed at her remark. If it had been because he wasn't expecting her to reply with such attitude or that he just found it appropriate to laugh at her comment he didn't know. But none the less he found himself smiling again which he really didn't understand. He should be worried but although he was a little worried he felt mostly calm and that confused him even more.

"Yeah, we really did" he said as he leaned back on his hands slightly and stared out the window at the dark night sky.

"What are we supposed to do then?" Helena asked now staring out the window as well as she noticed a thick cloud moving to reveal a brightly glowing moon.

"I don't know, honestly" he looked at her "But it's my fault so I better stick around to deal with the consequences"

"You know that means-"

"Yeah. I do"

Silence fell upon them as they stared into each others eyes. Helena looked as terrified as Leon felt and maybe that was what made him gently place his hand on top of hers. Helena flinched, her eyes darting to her hand to see what had touched her. Of course the surprise that followed as she realised It was Leon's hand showed completely on her face and even made Leon smile a little. Her eyes travelled back to his and there didn't even need to be any words said for Helena to understand what Leon had meant by that action. She nodded curtly, a fraction of a smile tugging at her lips as she tried to understand the calmness he was displaying.

"We really fucked up, but we'll be okay"


End file.
